tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
