Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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