i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
