I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
