Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
