Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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