If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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