Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
