i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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