I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
