I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
