Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
