she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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