there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
