The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
