I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
