i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
