I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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