is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
