you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just high enough for therapy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
