I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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