it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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