Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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