I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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