haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
