There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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