If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
