She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
