I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
