I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
