We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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