Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
