But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
