Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Houston, we have a blender
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
