She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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