Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
