Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
