The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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