Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
