1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
