Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
