I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
