The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
