We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
