i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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