I wish I only lived at night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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