I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
