I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
