From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
