I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
