I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
