He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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