I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
