Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
