forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
