But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
