i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
