I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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