So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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