Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
