Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
