We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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