3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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