thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
